I generally try to refrain from personal rants on public blogs, but this has been eating at me for awhile, and I don’t think my purple journal is going to offer any solace. I have problems I wasn’t even aware of until recently:
I can’t take things seriously.
My sarcasm comes out as bitchiness.
Me, Vera? I don’t like talking to people. I prefer to observe, and I’m a more absentminded, always lost in my own head type of person. I read. A LOT. As in, I was banned from the library in elementary school, I was the librarian’s pet, spent my lunch and recess in the library, and the principal manhandles me in front of an audience unaware to exclaim about my reading fanaticism. How is this important?
It means I live my life like a story. I think all people are somewhat rational beings, so mental problems fascinate me. I like to learn, I like being surrounded by people but not necessarily being in the limelight.
For some reason though, the minute I got to high school, “My Life got flipped right upside down”- Fresh Prince of Bell air.
I was in my sports class with my friends. We were on the field, playing football, girls against guys. Now the particular guys we were playing with? One of them was a major asshole, and the other one was irritating. This is how it goes down.
My friend Aria (all fake names) jumps for the football, but it goes sailing over her head. A-Hole snickers: “Oh, I guess she was too-oops. Almost said the ‘t’ word!”
I had originally thought he was saying ‘v’ word and was befuddled. A-Hole wasn’t a person who was afraid of all vulgar expletives in the English language.Clara, however, caught on.
Clara: Oh, it’s Captain Obvious to the rescue! (this was all within earshot of A-Hole on purpose). He should get a Nobel Prize.
I was smiling but trying not to, because that would seem mean. And I didn’t want to lower myself to his level.
Clara continues: Why don’t you just tell us the sky is BLUE?
I started roaring, and then she starts guffawing, and soon we’re almost on on the ground, pounding on it like deranged apes.
I am certain the A-Hole will retaliate.
I have many fleeting crushes. I don’t want to date in high school though, plus I haven’t found a guy who I haven’t wondered, “What was I thinking?” after the initial intrigue.
Felix was a guy who had dated my best friend. She’d broken up with him when she came to sleep over (nothing better than moral support for your first dumping) at my house. From the extensive information that she’d told me, I’d guessed that he was this mysterious, troubled young man with a tangled life.
I fell madly in crush with him.
That’s where the book fanaticism lies. I’m always making out people to be too complicated or too clear- cut. Felix was no exception. I became hyper- aware of him, and one incident, before I was completely in crush, still makes me giggle. (I told my friend eventually: she didn’t care, and since I was over it, we spent the rest of the time laughing about it. I’m friends with the guy now. The “what was I thinking” complex is evident. )
We were around Clarissa’s desk. He came over and stood beside me, and I stiffened. My nervous mind barely registered what he said to Clarissa.
Clarissa: You look tired.
Felix: Something _something_something_ pasty skin_best friend_ chuckle chuckle
Clarissa: Is it because you’re girlfriend dumped you?
Me (mentally): Aw, snap!
I was breathing shallowly to maintain my facial expression. He froze for a minute, and I continued to breathe shallowly.
I was at a play with my friends. I’d brought my out of town friends to meet with my school friends. Ariel (also the friend of the story above) did not like meeting my friends for some reason. But I had given her advance warning that they were coming. During the play, I talked a lot to try to calm the mood, ease tensions.
It came to the point where I was just fumbling for something to say. Ariel WAS NOT making it very easy on me. So, stupid me, I pulled out my taser and handed it off to Ariel. She instantly returned it once she figured out what it was in alarm.
Once in Starbucks, a conflict arose over where to sit. I, again quite idiotically, pull out my unfailing device. They freak and leave Starbucks. We spend the rest of night tense and uncomfortable.
Let’s just say the aftermath of that incident was pretty nasty, and almost completely severed my ties with Ariel. Another example of how I don’t take things seriously.
Any advice would be welcomed with bells and rose petals. More of my sad character failures once I finish not doing my homework.