Trying to be Determined

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All I whisper to myself is: Oh God, I’m going to die.

When we watch movies- specifically romantic comedies- there’s usually a scene where a character endures a makeover. The have to lose weight, put on makeup, straighten their hair, whatever. With “Eye of the Tiger’ playing and a bowl of popcorn in our lap, it seems like it would be super easy to undergo a makeover. 

All you need is some decent music, right?

Nope. It’s halfway through summer vacation and yet here I am. I haven’t lost a pound- maybe even the opposite- I’ve barely cracked open my summer assignments, haven’t touched the piano, haven’t lost weight, haven’t learned anything new. 

Did I mention haven’t lost weight?

It’s really bothering me. I know what determination feels like. It’s when you aren’t gonna let anyone or anything stand in the way of what you want. So this, coming up with half-assed excuses and preaching my exhaustion all the time, is not determination. 

I join a gym-24 Hour Fitness- my parents revoke the membership because it is too pricey, and they don’t want me in such a testosterone filled environment. That was a looooong fight. 

I want to do this myself. I know it’s going to take time, and I shouldn’t be worried about losing the weight for how other people will see me, but that’s harder said than done. I want to look good in all my clothes again, see the needle on the scale decline, feel fit and healthy. 

But, once again, that’s easier said than done. 

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