I Wish

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We all have something we hate about ourselves or our life. It’s only the truly happy people that are satisfied with themselves. I admire and envy them. 

Maybe it’s my unhealthy obsession with romantic comedies (seriously- it’s pretty freaky), but I have a really warped version of what life should be like. I should meet amazing friends who accept me for who I am, who are by my side the rest of my life. 

I should meet someone I can fall hopelessly in love with and him with me. I wouldn’t be my usual dorky self. I would be able to look him straight in the eyes, use my words, and not make a blushing fool out of myself. I’ve had dozens of crushes. Only a handful are really memorable. Funnily enough, I fit the stereotype of never ‘liking’ who’d actually work. I’m a grammar freak. Reading, writing…it’s part of me. So sue me if I think being literate is an important quality. 

I fall in crush with gangster boys, guys with the IQ of a tadpole….the worst was my best friend’s ex- boyfriend. I had a pretty long crush on the idiot. We’re friends now, but Lord, the first few months I was turning red, stuttering, talking way too fast. 

My guilt was eating me up, even though I wasn’t going to do anything, Besides the unspoken friendship code I wouldn’t break, I don’t date. At least, not until I get to college. It’s my rule. 

So I told her. She thought I was kidding at first. She’d told me every detail of their very short time together, she’d even broken up with him at my house using a script I’d written for her. (FYI, I was adamant that she stay with him, but they were too different. Hehe, more on that later.)

She wasn’t mad when I told her. She said she didn’t care. To this day, I don’t know if she was telling the truth. They really had no chemistry at all, but still. It’s weird. 

Funny thing, turns out the ex was gay. 

I almost fainted when a friend of his casually mentioned it. It makes me giggle now, but at the time, I was pretty shocked. We’re friendly now, and I’m not a spaz around him anymore now, thankfully. I think he’s the only crush I’m friends with. 

Oh, wise residents of the Earth. What should I do with my fantastic, unrealistic idea of what love, friendship, and life are? I should be focused on my studies, my family, myself…but I always wonder if tomorrow is the day it all changes. 

I wish.

 

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