Late Night Coffee Musings #2

I’ve always thought it was weird that people could just fall out of love. That they could share their heart and soul with someone, connect with them, and let them go. Doesn’t it hurt? Doesn’t it feel like a small piece of you leaves with them? I mean, I get it. He’s not the One. He’s not right.

But how do they do it?

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in love. To be quite honest, I’m terrified of ever falling in love. At least, not any time soon. I’ve barely got a grasp on my sanity-adding the highs and lows of falling for someone would fuck me up in a major way.

I’ve had plenty of crushes though. When I scroll through my phone and see their name, it’s like a movie-reel plays behind my eyes. I’m blushing and giggling (later I want to slap myself), pillow talk at sleepovers with my best friends, the excitement and anticipation, standing in front of my closet and thinking, “I wonder what’ll happen today.” It’s a rush, a rollercoaster that never goes down.

But those are crushes.

I write books, and I’ve been told I simulate love almost flawlessly. The nerves, the anticipation, the butterflies-turned-elephants in the tummy. But my fatal flaw- I can’t quite capture heartbreak. I’ve never felt it. My heart’s bruised, but not from love. So how do I write about something I can hardly imagine?

This leads me to the whole point of this ramble. The intimacy, the romance, the connection-that I can understand. What I can’t is how you move on after you lose it. How you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and think, “Just another day’s work. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 

Maybe it’s because I’m still a silly, romantic teenager. Despite the sad reality of life that’s revealed to every day I get older, I still wholeheartedly believe in happy endings. In finding your person and just knowing that this is who you want to be with until your old and gray and senile. This is the person who’ll eat the lettuce off your plate because you hate them, who’ll listen to your rant for hours about a snide coworker (even if you know he’s only listening to about 40%), the person who’ll start a family with you, the person you’ll share a bed with and your heart with.

How do you move on from losing the possibility of that?

I don’t understand.

And I hope I never do.

Late Night Coffee Thoughts

“I am so tired.”

It’s funny how ‘I’m tired’ is the slightly more honest version of ‘I’m fine.’

You can be tired from a long shift at work, or an argument with your best friend.

Or you can be tired from spending the night crying. You can be tired from pasting a smile on your face when all you can hear is the screaming in your head.

You can literally not move for hours and feel more tired than when you woke up.

I think it’s just our mind, fighting back the tidal waves of insecurity, of doubt, of regret. Pretty tough job, I must say. And it must really suck, going to sleep with the knowledge that when you wake up, you’ll be even more tired than when you closed your eyes.

Back From the Dead-Take Two!

I don't care if this has nothing to do with my post, this gif is amazing and will be appropriate for all occasions

(I don’t care if this gif has nothing to do with my post, it’s amazing and will be appropriate for all occasions).

I BLAME TECHNOLOGY!

My laptop was out of sorts the past few months, hence the lack of blogging. BUT I do have something super interesting cooked up (besides my new Wattpad story, that’s an update for another day).

A Teen Experiment. 

You guessed it. I conducted a survey with interesting results. The sample size is 15 people, so it’s not something to write home about, but I am very excited to share it. I’ll post it tonight (probably, I’m having a very large sleepover on Monday, so cleaning is what it’s about).

It’s good to be back!

The Stars In Your Eyes

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Two months later and I’m still in absolute LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE with this cover. Credits to the girl who made it. I’ve posted seven chapters, have 2 more saved, and am still in love with my story. It might seem cocky or egotistic, but writing a book is like having a literary baby. The baby can be difficult and complicated, or the baby can just connect to your heart and write itself. Yeah, not a terrific analogy but you know what-cats are funny. 

Give it a read here on Wattpad:

http://www.wattpad.com/story/16095110-the-stars-in-your-eyes

American Pharaoh

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I’m BACK!

Yes, yes, I’m sure you’ve all been utterly bereft without my winning and hilarious posts (ha-ha) but I’ve returned to cure you of your misery. I was in Egypt, in case anyone was wondering, for the entire summer. It took some time to adjust to the differences there, and I had one hell of a craving for Little Caesar’s (a craving which is no longer existent after gorging myself on 4 slices), but I truly enjoyed my time. There’s something…I don’t know. I revel in America because of the comfort, the safety, the predictability. But in Egypt, there’s just this edge of mystery, of taking your life in your hands. Your time is your own. You are master of your own destiny. And I have a lot of really cute little cousins. Apparently I love kids and the feeling is mutual. 

So, anyhow, school starts in a few days (I wasn’t left with much time to regroup) and for those of you who paid attention to my mathematical misery, you’ll be relieved to know you don’t have to listen to constant bitching, as I’ve decided to take Statistics (aka easy A). 

I’ll post my schedule when I get it. 

It’s good to be back, folks. 

The Stars In Your Eyes (COMING SOON)

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The Stars In Your Eyes (COMING SOON)

Check out my new, in-progress Wattpad Story!

Description:

“You can’t save me.Why do you keep trying?” he whispered. I rested my head against his chest. “Because you’re saving me.” Sophia is starting college in a new state, away from her grief-ridden past. She wants a fresh start, with her cat Poe by her side, and to find her place. The last thing she expected was for a boy with blue eyes and scars deeper than she could imagine to throw her plans out the window

 

***Hope you guys check it out! 🙂